Life as a medical student #12 When a baby is born

As a medical student, I am blessed with chances to see and experience things other people do not get to. When I was allowed into an elective Caesarean Section for the first time, my heart pounded in excitement. I was about to witness the bringing of a new life into this world!

When I entered the room, the epidural was being administered by the anaesthesia team. Surgeons and assistants were scrubbing in, putting on sterile gowns and gloves. Doctors and nurses were moving about, readying the room for delivery. Everything was in place. Then there it was - a strong pregnant mummy sitting on a cold operating table, considering what lies before her - probably feeling scared and alone. Her partner was not allowed in the operating theater. And in these moments, she must hold onto the strong love she has for her baby. She didn't know how long she'll have to wait before she could hold her baby in her arms. She let fear washed over her, and then she let it drifted away. She must be a strong lady. All the mummy.

I made a quick silent prayer in my head for her and her baby.

And then the actual surgery happened. An incision was made in the mummy's lower abdomen by using a scalpel. A few more incisions were carefully made to separate layers of fat tissues, fascia and peritoneum underneath. After the uterus was opened, it was then time for the surgeon to reach into the uterus and pull the baby out. I could feel the atmosphere of the room became so tense that everyone in the room was holding their breaths.

I couldn't contain my excitement when I saw the tiny little baby girl out of the mother's uterus, arms flailing, lungs wailing. The room was filled with joy, everyone was delighted.

''Happy Birthday, to you, the little one. 

Welcome to this beautiful world.''

And thank you, to all the brave women who birth their children with such strength and beauty.

Life as a medical student #11 The end is the beginning of all things

It's only the beginning now

A pathway yet unknown

At times the sound of other steps

Sometimes we walk alone

The best beginnings of our lives

May sometimes end in sorrow

But even on our darkest days

The sun will shine tomorrow.

So we must do our very best

Whatever life may bring

And look beyond the winter chill

To smell the breath of spring.

Into each life will always come

A time to start anew

A new beginning for each heart

As fresh as morning dew.

Although the cares of life are great

And hands are bowed so low

The storms of life will leave behind

The wonder of a rainbow.

The years will never take away

Our chance to start anew

It's only the beginning now

So dreams can still come true.

Another year of medical school has come to an end. 

Thank you Group C1, I am going to miss all of you. 

Let's ace the exam together, shall we?

Blog hibernate mode turns on.

Life as a medical student #10 About inferiority complex

I just feel incompetent.

I remember how I was always the top of my class in high school. I knew I had to do well in SPM to get the college admission I desired and the scholarship I needed. So I scored 9A+ in SPM, enrolled in matriculation - the fastest way to degrees, and when everyone was complaining of not being able to study medicine, I was awarded the highly sought after JPA scholarship to study medicine in Perdana University. It's all been smooth sailing; everything has gone exactly according to plan. I thought I was a blessed child. As soon as I entered medical school, I realized that this kind of success is everywhere. I was surrounded by geniuses. It no longer makes me special or stand out. I don't think I am smart, in any way.

I struggled, a lot. I feel inferior compared to the others in the hospital who always seem to know more than me. I still have to look up things when I don't understand during the ward rounds and flipping my books like crazy for things I have already studied. I get frustrated and just feel like I shouldn't be there. Every two weeks we move on to a new posting and new environment. So just when I feel like I know what's going on, I am back to square one. Incompetent, clueless, and most importantly, being doubtful of my ability. Sometimes, it makes me wonder, whether I would make it, to be a good and competent doctor. Some days my best is just not good enough.

After three years in medical school, I am still struggling to learn how to be good at medicine. But in order to be the person I have always envisioned myself to be, I will continue to find my way.