Life as a medical student #11 The end is the beginning of all things

It's only the beginning now

A pathway yet unknown

At times the sound of other steps

Sometimes we walk alone

The best beginnings of our lives

May sometimes end in sorrow

But even on our darkest days

The sun will shine tomorrow.

So we must do our very best

Whatever life may bring

And look beyond the winter chill

To smell the breath of spring.

Into each life will always come

A time to start anew

A new beginning for each heart

As fresh as morning dew.

Although the cares of life are great

And hands are bowed so low

The storms of life will leave behind

The wonder of a rainbow.

The years will never take away

Our chance to start anew

It's only the beginning now

So dreams can still come true.

Another year of medical school has come to an end. 

Thank you Group C1, I am going to miss all of you. 

Let's ace the exam together, shall we?

Blog hibernate mode turns on.

记我与慈济的一段缘 #4 双溪毛糯麻风病院送愛之旅

距离吉隆坡市中心约一小时车程，有一个叫希望之谷的地方。在70年代，共有逾2000名麻风病人被隔离居住在这里。随着岁月的流逝，目前只剩下200位年龄60岁以上的病人。这里是双溪毛糯麻风病院 (Sungai Buloh Leprosy Settlement)，是时代的产物，是人类基于对疾病的恐惧制造出来的隔离场所。

当时，具有高度传染性的麻风病，没有药物能医。病人一被诊断患上麻风，便被强制性的隔离。病人的身体，受到麻风菌的侵害，面容变形，四肢残缺不全。但他们却说，身体上的痛算不了什么，人们鄙视的眼光才是他们最大的痛。他们远离人群，受到社会的唾弃，身心受到极大的煎熬。文明与教育，并没有让人们摆脱对麻风病的恐惧和焦虑；反之将受尽摧残的麻风病康复者隔离在人们的世界之外，假装他们不存在，任由他们随着时间流逝与历史一起埋葬和遗忘。因此，双溪毛糯麻风病院成了阿公阿嫲命运的交集点。它一度代表了绝望，但是后来，它成了阿公阿嫲的家，一个他们再也离不开，不愿意离开的地方。

四月的一个星期天，一群年轻人选择走出优渥的环境，把爱和关怀，带到这与世隔绝的孤园。

起初大家有点不知所措，不知道该如何接近他们。但是凭着大家友善的笑脸，这里的阿公阿嫲，从起初的怀疑，到后来的信任，在短短一个早晨的时间，大家与这里的阿公阿嫲有了良好的互动，建立了深厚的友情。在进入病院之前，他们有着各自的人生经历，他们也有他们的年少轻狂。只是后来，他们患病，遭歧视，最后进入病院。虽然大家能做的很少，只是简单地唱唱歌，聆听他们的故事，可是阿公阿嫲们却笑得好开心。他们虽然身体残缺，可是他们没有一句怨言。他们勇敢，坚强，乐观，知足。

没有见苦，焉知自己多有福。愿这份感动能持久弥新。

Life as a medical student #10 About inferiority complex

I just feel incompetent.

I remember how I was always the top of my class in high school. I knew I had to do well in SPM to get the college admission I desired and the scholarship I needed. So I scored 9A+ in SPM, enrolled in matriculation - the fastest way to degrees, and when everyone was complaining of not being able to study medicine, I was awarded the highly sought after JPA scholarship to study medicine in Perdana University. It's all been smooth sailing; everything has gone exactly according to plan. I thought I was a blessed child. As soon as I entered medical school, I realized that this kind of success is everywhere. I was surrounded by geniuses. It no longer makes me special or stand out. I don't think I am smart, in any way.

I struggled, a lot. I feel inferior compared to the others in the hospital who always seem to know more than me. I still have to look up things when I don't understand during the ward rounds and flipping my books like crazy for things I have already studied. I get frustrated and just feel like I shouldn't be there. Every two weeks we move on to a new posting and new environment. So just when I feel like I know what's going on, I am back to square one. Incompetent, clueless, and most importantly, being doubtful of my ability. Sometimes, it makes me wonder, whether I would make it, to be a good and competent doctor. Some days my best is just not good enough.

After three years in medical school, I am still struggling to learn how to be good at medicine. But in order to be the person I have always envisioned myself to be, I will continue to find my way.