潘朵拉的盒子

朋友最近結束了一段戀情，哭得好傷心。她在說起男朋友怎麼變了個人對她發脾氣的時候不怎麼哭，但是說到男朋友的好，她哭了。‘我好喜歡他.... 我覺得我再也找不到比他對我更好的人。’我看著她，眼眶也跟著濕了。曾經我也是這麼想的，覺得這個世界上沒有人比他更適合我。喜歡他的好與不好，喜歡他的一切。我可以包容，我可以很放心，我以為那是天長地久。可是，結束了還是結束了，我把那份心情壓在心底深處。那是我這麼多年來刻意不去觸碰的一個角落。可是今天，當我選擇再去把它打開，我發現喜歡他的這份心情從來不變。我不後悔自己投資了一段沒有結果的感情，因為我非常非常喜歡以前的他。想到他對我的好，我的心裡依然澎湃，眼淚還是會不由自主地落下。他找到了，但是我還沒有找到，那個比他更愛我的人。也許，永遠都無法找到。因為還有誰，會像以前的他那樣傻傻的愛。其實這樣多好，我對他的回憶，都是美好的。我過濾了所有的不美好，我想起了不畏距離勇敢去愛的我們。我想起了自己在排球場上為他歡呼為他感到驕傲的瞬間。我想起了他花費心思討好我準備的每一份禮物。我想起了我們第一次不顧外人的眼光把彼此的手牽起。我想起了我們曾經浪費了幾年的時間在互相等待。我想起了我們一起許的承諾，一起拼湊的未來。每一個心跳的瞬間。每一句暖心的話語。還有那坐在公車上緊緊相依的我們，心是那麼的貼近。

原來我曾經那麼幸福。原來我愛過。

我很想活在過去。可是我不可以。於是我小心地把這份心情放回盒子裡，鎖上。

記我與慈濟的一段緣 #6 2015年第二梯次慈青幹部精進研習營

2015年9月18日至9月20日，是今年第二梯次慈青幹部精進研習營。距離上次我在 2015年第一梯次幹部精進研習營 領取幹部證已經有將近十個月的時間。當時只是個剛領證的新幹部，如今已是大專的聯絡人。在不到一年的時間，慈濟用愛磨平了我的鑽牛角尖。在這個大家庭裡，每一天我都在學習，感動，感恩。它教會了我，用善解與愛去包容所有的不完美。用簡單的心態做複雜的事。不完美，也可以很美。

我感受到一股真正的成長。

沒有冗長的心得，僅此附上第三組組員們可愛的臉蛋。:)

幸福了。

Life as a medical student #15 Hello, Psychiatry

I am not sure about my interest in Psychiatry, but I have always find myself having a tremendous curiosity and genuine interest in people. People, and all their complexities, are fascinating to me. The what, why and how behind people's action. The connection between the brain and behaviour. The very subtle things about human characters. So when I first started my Psychiatry posting, I was intrigued by it.

Before I actually go to the wards, I must admit that I was nervous. When most people picture a Psychiatric ward, they envision a dark and dreary place filled with severely incapacitated people. So do I. But the truth is, it is totally the opposite. The Psychiatric wards are very calm and peaceful. Most of the patients are not bed-ridden like in medical or surgical wards. They walk around, smile to you and talk to you. They are friendly and interact in the same way as the average person on the street. The atmosphere is just too normal that it becomes.....a little odd. This is because the environment only becomes intense and intimidating when patients are in their psychotic states. They shout, they threaten, they hit. They cannot handle their inner emotions, they lost their minds, they will erupt at anytime - like a volcano. They are unpredictable.

Violence is a risk that we deal with. But I believe when I mean no harm, I will never be hurt by them. I remind myself that we are all born kind. They act that way because they are ill. They have come forward to us for treatment, so we must not afraid of them. We must not give up on them.

Maybe, Psychiatry is my cup of tea. Along with learning about a patient, I learned more about myself. I find enjoyment when the patients are willing to open up to me and share with me their inner feelings. It wasn't that scary if we can relate to one another to some degree. As humans, we all experience fear, anger, hurt and pain. Psychiatric patients experience just the same, maybe to greater depths, plus a bit of interruptions of the neurotransmitter in their brains. And thus they are ill. If we can all put ourselves in their shoes, they would be treated differently. Some people wonder how I can listen to patients' problems and so many sad stories and not let it take away my own happiness and joy.

But I say being part of a patient's progress is the joy.