Showing posts with label Emotional. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotional. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

潘朵拉的盒子

朋友最近結束了一段戀情,哭得好傷心。她在說起男朋友怎麼變了個人對她發脾氣的時候不怎麼哭,但是說到男朋友的好,她哭了。‘我好喜歡他.... 我覺得我再也找不到比他對我更好的人。’我看著她,眼眶也跟著濕了。曾經我也是這麼想的,覺得這個世界上沒有人比他更適合我。喜歡他的好與不好,喜歡他的一切。我可以包容,我可以很放心,我以為那是天長地久。可是,結束了還是結束了,我把那份心情壓在心底深處。那是我這麼多年來刻意不去觸碰的一個角落。可是今天,當我選擇再去把它打開,我發現喜歡他的這份心情從來不變。我不後悔自己投資了一段沒有結果的感情,因為我非常非常喜歡以前的他。想到他對我的好,我的心裡依然澎湃,眼淚還是會不由自主地落下。他找到了,但是我還沒有找到,那個比他更愛我的人。也許,永遠都無法找到。因為還有誰,會像以前的他那樣傻傻的愛。其實這樣多好,我對他的回憶,都是美好的。我過濾了所有的不美好,我想起了不畏距離勇敢去愛的我們。我想起了自己在排球場上為他歡呼為他感到驕傲的瞬間。我想起了他花費心思討好我準備的每一份禮物。我想起了我們第一次不顧外人的眼光把彼此的手牽起。我想起了我們曾經浪費了幾年的時間在互相等待。我想起了我們一起許的承諾,一起拼湊的未來。每一個心跳的瞬間。每一句暖心的話語。還有那坐在公車上緊緊相依的我們,心是那麼的貼近。

原來我曾經那麼幸福。原來我愛過。

我很想活在過去。可是我不可以。於是我小心地把這份心情放回盒子裡,鎖上。

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Being Emotionally Attached

It is hard to let go of stuff.

We all have things that we have become attached to and would feel deprived without. It all started when a child couldn't sleep without his favourite bolster/blanket/toys. The perfect example is me. I am still using the same bolster that I have been using for more than 10 years. And I bring it everywhere I go. My confession is: I have strong emotional attachment to inanimate objects, all the time. I have that sense of guilt for throwing away a pair of worn-out shoes. I feel sorry for the food when the food is thrown away. Terribly upset when something is broken/destroyed. I always let my teddy bear sit on my bed properly and I forbid my friends from bullying him - he feels the pain. I still remember how long I have been emo-ing over my damaged headphones 2 years back, because it was given by my friend and I really treasured it. And now. Just yesterday. I lost another gift.

''It's only objects. Why react so extremely?'' 

But I couldn't help and the threat of loss of the object triggered anxiety. I started panicking and blaming myself and tearing up and I swear at that moment my mental age regressed by at least a decade. I feel....incomplete.

Perhaps I am destined to be an emotional creature. And I am stubborn like that.

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