写信给十年后的自己

十年后的自己：

迈入三十了，一切可好？从二十多岁的小女孩蜕变成轻熟女了吗？我想，你应该正为工作而忙得不可开交吧。或许正在为政府作牛作马，或许开了自己的一家诊所？虽然其实自己最想开的是一家咖啡厅。那五年的学医生涯，再苦也是熬过了。你知道的。所以你不会去埋怨，因为你很清楚雨后的彩虹的道理。即使是天天的on call，我猜你一定也能在你的工作中找到乐趣。以你的个性，我想你一定正在怀念着读书的日子。多久没有约中学大学的同窗好友出来叙叙旧了？念旧的你，想念了，就拿起你的电话吧。

这十年，都是一个人在过吗？有对象了？结婚了？有孩子了？噢，我想应该不会这么快的。我太了解你了。那想隐藏却隐藏不了的事业心。有个对象就很好了吧，把二十岁那年结束的初恋给埋葬埋葬。初恋很美，可是不能紧抓，放开来，放在心底才是最美的。妈妈一定超担心的，一定在问你什么时候要把男朋友介绍给她认识。你一定会这样回答妈妈：先担心姐姐再说吧！哈哈，那迟婚主义者的姐姐，不知道十年后是否还是一样。

想出书的梦想，还没放弃吧？你不是一个很会说故事的人，却很喜欢用文字来抓住人们的心。最想最想有那么一天，人们能够看着你的文字，体会着你的心情。如果十年后真的出书了，那你可真是美梦成真！驾车了没？不会还像以前一样，永远享受着当乘客的滋味吧。不过如果你已经找到了那愿意永远接送你的那个他，那就不一样了。去了几个国家了？旅行啊，傻瓜。不要总是说工作很忙没放自己假啊。没有旅行的伴？一个人吧。一个人看世界也不错的。还是一样爱看电视剧吗？如果你还像十年前一样抱着枕头在电脑前面看电视剧看到哭，那你一定超可爱的。爱哭鬼，还哭吗？

从以前就一样，觉得最不想看的病人就是自己的父母。我相信你这几年来的生日愿望一定都没有变，第一个愿望将永远属于他们。父母的健健康康，就是我的幸福宝藏。

或许，你现在最享受的，是坐在咖啡馆悠闲地度过每一个午后时光。没有很华丽又遥不可及的梦想，只有每一天最朴实的感动，实实在在的。单身也好，有对象也罢。你一定还是像以前一样，凡事都付出百分百，丝毫不差，将每一天过得灿烂充实。爱自己多一点，你会很好的。加油！


十年前的自己  上

On Fire. On Fire. On Fire.

                                                                               

Sexy may not be what a man wants, but it must be what a man loves.
I may not own you, but I shall own your heart.

New template for my blog, time for a change babe.
I am no longer the innocent little girl. I will make you fall in love with me.

生命可贵

如果人有先见之明，那该有多好。
那么，世上不再需要‘后悔’这两个字。

对于近期发生的巴士云顶坠谷意外，我很关注。根据报道，这是历年来马来西亚最严重的长巴交通事故，死伤人数破新高。遗憾一夜之间失去的三十七条宝贵生命。想像一下，有的年纪轻轻，前途还指日可待；有的家里一家六口还等着靠他吃饭；有的前些日子才高高兴兴当了新手爸爸，一转眼那婴儿就成了孤儿。在天灾人祸的面前，我们是多么的手无寸铁，多么的渺小。许多死者的父母在获知噩耗后哭得死去活来，恨自己白发人送黑发人的苦命啊。一切都是那么地突然，仿佛今早离家前女儿给他的那回眸一笑还历历在目，现在却突然成了冷冰冰的尸体；昨夜和妻子的争吵还言犹在耳，现在说离开就离开，做丈夫的连句对不起都还来不及说出口。我仿佛也能感受到那股淡淡的忧伤。此刻，我不再只是一个读者，我是真的站在他们的立场了。替他们感伤，替他们惋惜，替他们落泪。

虽然生还者少之又少，但是我们不可以忘记日后伴随着他们一生的，那永远无法磨灭的阴影。生还者绘声绘影地说，意外发生时，大家惊慌失措地呐喊，好像在搭着没有系上安全带的死亡云霄飞车。在等待救援的当儿，大家就像叠汉堡似的，人压人，到处都是血，脑浆，断肢。要耐心等待救援的到来，还要担心巴士是否会再继续往下坠。是，大难不死必有后福，能够从惨绝人寰的意外中幸存下来，是该烧香拜拜了。但我相信，心理伤痛永远比生理伤痛来得要命，有关单位还务必密切关注生还者的精神状态。忽然很想加入慈济队伍。慈济志工们在这个紧要关头伸出援手，在吉隆坡中央医院太平间设立了援助队伍，提供大家精神上的支柱。我看到，好多的死者亲属都哭倒在慈济志工们的怀里。想想，那是多么的安慰啊。他们，是天使。带来温暖的天使。

不想抨击任何的一方，毕竟一场意外的发生，有太多的因素牵涉其中。迷信的人会说，一个人的生死打从你从娘胎出来那一瞬间就已经冥冥中注定了。但我们怎么可以把这句话当成借口，当成挡箭牌，去忽视那些可以避免的人为因素？试想想，如果巴士司机出发前先检查巴士的刹车器，结局会不会不一样？如果巴士司机在生死关头临危不乱选择驶入缓冲区？如果乘客们都没有赶时间？如果乘客们在知道巴士刹车器有故障后选择下车？如果云顶高原单位尽早改善那蜿蜒的下山路线？
太多，太多的如果。有的死者家属说，如果死者不更改计划突然决定当天上云顶，就不会搭上死亡巴士。如果不选搭这个巴士公司的巴士，就不会发生意外。如果不提早下山，就不会年纪轻轻就赴九泉。

所以我才说啊，如果我们有先见之明，那该有多好。

但不，我们没有。我们只有后悔两个字，这讨人厌的两个字，相伴我们左右。你不会知道自己的生命有多长。八十岁的奶奶有可能还可以再活十年，二十岁的年轻小伙子却有可能隔日就惨遭不幸在意外里去世。你永远也不能说，没关系，我还年轻，生命还长着呢。想做什么就去做吧，想说什么就去说吧。不要认为自己明天还会有机会做你想做的事情。其实，每天早晨能睁开眼睛就是一种福气。是应该要感恩的。

我们没有先见之明，所以我们只能避免作出会让自己遗憾后悔的事。我们只可以活在当下，确保每一天每一分每一秒都没有留下遗憾。我们不要后悔。

想说我爱你就说吧
想道歉就说对不起吧
想去环游世界现在就提起行囊吧
想学小提琴就马上去报名吧
想给年老的父母一个拥抱就快回家吧
想买下那件漂亮的裙子就买吧
想吃什么美食就别顾着减肥了吧
想到相馆和男朋友照相留念就快去吧
想拜访想念已久的中学老师就快拿起电话吧
想在云霄飞车上呐喊那就忘了你的恐惧吧

想做什么，就去做吧。爱你的生命，爱你自己。
因为没有什么比活着大口大口地呼吸还来得可贵。

Family, Friends, Love

''What made up the most important part of your life. Friends, Family or Love?''

This is like the most lame question in the world right after ''If your mother and I dropped into the sea at the same time, who would you save first?'' However, I do believe this question reflects how I weigh people around me because it is impossible to give any parts of my life my 100%. I am not the kind of people who can live with only my lover. No matter how much I value a person, he/she is not my 100% because I still need the other two to light up my life.

So when I was little, I answered this question with the arrangement: Friends, Family, Love.
Friends meant a lot to me. Even if I met them in school everyday. They were my soul mates. They were the first I would choose to talk to. I talked and shared all my troubles with them with open heart. All the heart-to-heart talks with my girls every Wednesday afternoon after Chinese class are the ones that I will never forget.

As time passes, I answered this question a little bit differently: Family, Friends, Love.
Chances of going back home becoming lesser and I realise how I actually value my family in my heart. I cherish the moments I spent with my family. Family always successfully clear my doubts and I realise old people really are more experienced and understand things better. They are the ones that will never leave you no matter what mistakes you have made or how bad you are. They do things for you unconditionally and never ask for repays.

Then I realise, no matter how time flies and how differently I weigh the parts of my life, Love is never the part that I will prioritise. It was never my first choice - neither it was the second. I guess this explains it all.
I have a friend who had never been a relationship before. The way he answered this question amazes me: Love, Friends, Family. I asked him, you had never been in a relationship before, how do you know that you will put Love at your first place?

''Because when I have found my girl, I will give my 100% to her.''

How sweet it can be.

 

Ignorance is bliss

I have been quite disappointed about relationship recently. People who I care have been giving me cold shoulders. We were once so close, but now, I am afraid to even talk to you, not to say sharing problems and thoughts. There is a huge wall between you and me now. I have did my best, taking initiative and all. But it fails. Does the problem lies in me?

I thought I am not gonna work this summer break. But still, I took up a promoter job recently. No matter how, money is the only thing that will never ever betray you, even if all your loved ones left you alone. True eh? The job was easy and not tiring, my boss is extremely kind to me. Working gave me so much of time to daydream when there were no customers. But as I daydream more, a simple issue becomes complicated. Hence, I decided a busier life suits me more. I have to be constantly busy, be it studying or working. So that I do not have extra time to think of the additional problems. I should think less. Ignorance is bliss.

Want to know the real reason behind my recent post about dreams?
That was because I dreamt of you last night. And I wanted to know is it because you are missing me too much or I am missing you too much, which both answers seem to be really silly.

That's all. Bye.

I do stupid things again, again and again.

Again. I do stupid things again, again and again.

I am definitely a typical type of girl who lives in a fairytale. Any surprises made my day. Even if it is just a small little note, a small act, a little bit of warmth. That is why I love birthdays. I love festive seasons or events that involve giving presents. Christmas. Valentines. Anniversary. Birthdays. I am a hopeless romantic.
And when it comes to giving gifts, I don't like the idea of buying a gift from the gift shop, nicely wrapped by the salesgirl and just pass it to the receiver. I like personalised gift. Not necessary handmade, but what I want is to add in some warmth to the gift, so that it is not only a gift, but what the receiver really needs and appreciates, and to convey my sincere wishes to the receiver. I do cards. I have a collection of ribbons and buttons and colour papers with me so that I can do cards when my friend's birthday is approaching. I go shop for birthday gifts really often, and this always takes me a whole afternoon, sometimes empty-handed after one whole afternoon and I will have to look for it the other day at another mall. Yes, I am as silly as that.

Sometimes I may end up giving really weird gifts, but they are definitely what I really spent time on it. I may end up giving normal bags, shoes, clothes or tie. But believe me or not, I spent lots of time before this looking for other special gifts, but I failed. I may end up failing a surprise 12am birthday celebration, but I really did play them in my mind for thousand times, hoping the surprise will not go wrong.

Of course I understand the fact that some people never take birthdays so serious. And they may think I am so stupid to spend so much time to create a surprise and to buy a gift. But that is just me. To do it, I will give my all. My only hope is that my receivers appreciate. You don't have to bring my gift with you all the time or thinking that now I give you a gift and you have to give me one as a return. Just one word that I need. Your appreciation. To make me realise that I am not doing stupid things and what I do can really make you happy.
 

About Dreams

You are entering the mysterious and fascinating world of dreams, where the rules of reality do not apply. 

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Before I start this long post, I would like to share with you a dream of mine which I will never ever forget. This dream can be classified as Epic Dream.

Epic dreams are so huge, so compelling, and so vivid that you cannot ignore them. The details of such dreams remain with you for years, as if you just dreamt it last night. When you wake up from such a dream, you feel that you have discovered something profound or amazing about yourself or about the world. It feels like a life-changing experience.

Tracing back to 2010. It was the night before my SPM Biology examination. As usual I was burning midnight oil in front of my study table especially when it was about Biology tomorrow - one of the most challenging subject to me. I need to cram in as much information I can the night before the examination. Every minute every second are precious to me. I was even ready to sacrifice my sleep for that night. However, my eyelids failed me. I was really tired and it was already 2am. I contined to force myself to keep my eyes wide open for a few minutes and that was when I decided to take a short nap. Just a short nap - and I will gain back my energy. Look, I still have a few more chapters left. No matter how I must finish these tonight. This short nap will help me. I told myself.

So I just laid myself on the floor of living room with a few pillows with me, set my alarm to 30 minutes later, and I fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. But, as soon as I closed my eyes, I heard my alarm ringing - hey that was fast! I haven't even get enough sleep. And I heard my mum's voice - so nervous and frantically - she was calling my name - Jia Wei! Wake up! You are late for the exam! Faster! I jumped up from the floor, felt blank at first, and soon I knew what I thought will never happen to me really happened - I over slept. I didn't finish study the rest of the chapters. The exam. The real SPM Biology examination. I can still make it for the exam if I rushed to the school now - but NO! I don't want to! I haven't finish studying and I was totally blank my brain cannot work properly now and I..........

Eyes wide opened. Dry throat. Heart pounded within my ribcage. Sympathetic nerves firing like crazy. (If you know what I mean) I woke up bathed in cold sweat. So I dreamt about me being overslept when I actually only slept for - 10 minutes. Everything in the dream was so real, I still shiver as I am typing now. Okay la maybe someone will say, exam only mah what's the big deal. But to me, scoring in exam is my ultimate goal. Although I finally completed the exam and passed with flying colours but this became a dream that I will never ever forget because ever since then, I never dare to take a short nap when I study the night before exam. I can never have a peaceful sleep without ensuring I have finish studying.

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I always think dreaming is interesting. Dreams are unique; no other individual can have your personal background, your emotions, or your experiences. I always have the urge to make sense of my dreams and achieve a better understanding of them. I believe it provides me with insight into my ownself and a means for further self-exploration. There are myths saying that you dream of a person because that person misses you. Or the other way round. Or whatever. Oh, have you heard of deja vu?

Déjà vu, from French, literally "already seen", is the phenomenon of having the strong sensation that an event or experience currently being experienced has been experienced in the past, whether it has actually happened or not.

That is why I did some research on dreams and I would like to share it with my readers here. All information taken from: http://www.dreammoods.com/  :)

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How do we dream? Firstly, let us understand The Mechanics of Dreaming (CAUTION: This may be boring if you are not a science-stream student)

While you are dreaming, your body undergoes noticeable changes.  Your adrenaline rises, your blood pressure increases, and you heart beats faster. Given this hyperactivity, it should be no surprise how someone with a weak heart can die in their sleep. Their heart may not be able to withstand the strain and the erratic changes that their body is going through. 

Dreaming takes place during REM, which stands for Rapid Eye Movement.  It is thus called, because your eyes move rapidly back and forth under the eyelids. REM sleep takes place in the fourth stage of sleep and accounts for 15-20% of your sleep time. From the point you fall asleep, it takes 30 to 90 minutes before you start dreaming. You cycle through the 4 stages of sleep and may enter the REM stage 4 to 7 times in one night.  During REM, your blood pressure and heart rate fluctuate and increase. It sounds like your body is going through a lot, but in fact, it is quite the contrary. During REM, your bodies are completely immobile and your muscles remain completely relaxed. You may shift in your bed throughout the night, but when in REM, you are completely still. This is commonly known as "REM Paralysis".

In REM sleep, the mind is as active as it is during waking. However, chemically it is different. REM is controlled by the excitability level of the cholinergic neurons. Noradrenaline and seratonin are missing in the brain when in the dream state. These chemicals allow the brain to carry out task, solve problems and remember things. This is a reason why you find it so hard to remember your dreams.

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Dreaming is scientifically proven and everyone dreams. Do not claim that you don't dream, only one explanation can be accepted here - you merely forgot your dream. Hence, dreaming is considered as a result of physiological functions. Why is dreaming important?

Research have showed that people who are deprived from entering the dream phase of sleep or the REM stage, exhibit symptoms of irritability and anxiety. In one dream study, volunteers are woken up right before they enter into the dream  state. Then they are allowed to fall back to sleep. Again, right before they enter REM sleep, they are awaken. This continues on through the night. The volunteers sleep the same amount of time as they normally do. The next day, these volunteers go about their day and observed to be disoriented, depressed, crabby, and quick tempered. There is a general impairment in their daily functioning.  Some eat more than usual.  As this study continues on through several nights, subjects become more and more agitated.  It is found that deprivation of REM sleep causes over-sensitivity, lack of concentration and memory loss. 

This study shows the importance of dreaming and its role in your well-being and health. Some researchers believe that dreams help you to tackle stress. Dreaming is a necessity and helps to recharge the mind and revitalize the body. 

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Interesting dream facts that you may not know!

1. One-third of your life is spent sleeping.

2. In an average  lifetime, you would have spent a total of about six years of it dreaming.

3. Everybody dreams. EVERYBODY! Simply because you do not remember your dream does not mean that you do not dream. In fact, you have several dreams during a normal night of sleep.

4. Dreams are indispensable.  A lack of dream activity may imply some protein deficiency (OMG) or a personality disorder (are you serious?)

5. On average, you can dream anywhere from one to two hours every night. Moreover, you can have four to seven dreams in one night.

6. Blind people do dream.  Whether visual images appear in their dreams depend on  whether they were blind at birth or became blind later in life. But vision is not the only sense that constitutes a dream. Sound, tactility, and smell become hypersensitive for the blind and their dreams are based on these senses. 

7. Five minutes after the end of the dream, half the content is forgotten. After ten minutes, 90% is lost.

8. Studies have shown that your brain waves are more active when you are dreaming than when we are awake.

9. Dreamers who are awakened right after REM sleep, are able to recall their dreams more vividly than those who slept through the night until morning.

10. Physiologically speaking, researchers found that during dreaming REM sleep, males experience erections and females experience increased vaginal blood flow, regardless the content of the dream. In fact, "wet dreams" may not necessarily coincide with overtly sexual dream content. 

11. Toddlers do not dream about themselves. They do not appear in their own dreams until the age of 3 or 4.

12. If you are snoring, then you cannot be dreaming.

13. Nightmares are common in children, typically beginning at around age 3 and occurring up to age 7-8.

14. According to a research study,  the most common setting for dreams is your own house.

15. It is very normal for males to experience an erection during the REM stage of sleep, even when they are not dreaming anything of a sexual nature.

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There are more to talk about and we can even look even deeper into each different type of dreams. Seeing this is already a long post, I will do research again while I have free time. Hope you learn something new together with me through my sharing! :) xoxo

                                  

If only if you still read my blog

Life has been extremely peaceful without Facebook.

Now I know why some people insisted not having a Facebook account, like a few of my friends. It is not totally the feeling of being different. I found peace in my mind too. And just when I reactivated it today (to contact my sister in Italy and to check my uni's pages), I saw things that made me unhappy once again. Not that I stumbled onto it accidentally on news feed, I realised I was the one typing out the name and sent myself to hell once again. What was I thinking. So I made a wise decision, I deactivate it again.

To be honest, you wouldn't know how much I want it to be deactivated forever. But I thank all my friends who realised my disappearance on Facebook and showed me your concern. I am fine! Life with no Facebook made no difference to me as I was not a Facebook addict and I believe no one should. They surprised me though, I thought I was never someone who actively posted things on Facebook, so people wouldn't have noticed I deactivated my account.

Flowers wilt eventually. I wanted to throw them away, but still, I didn't.

Dreaming of becoming an author

Photo taken from #theserenelee instagram

My primary school bff just published her first book! Since she was really good in story telling, so she wrote this book when she was in primary school ( Wow! ), compiled in sec school, and now she has the chance to publish this book. It is called Creative Story Telling and they will be sold at Malaysia's biggest bookfair of the year at KLCC this month. Feel really proud of her! And she has promised to give me one with her autograph. Hiak hiak. Just want to share her success here. Please give her your support if you happened to see this book. :) Congratulations Su Xiang!

And I was reminded of my dream of becoming an author one day. But the dream seems to be so far from me now.

One of my friend said, ''I don't think you look like a medical student.''

What? What? Whatttttttt. How must a medical student looks like? Medical students cannot love travel cannot love shopping cannot dress pretty? Medical students must be nerdy and talk in anatomy language? Cannot blog about stuffs totally unrelated to medicine? LOL like I care.

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每晚彻夜不眠   因为有太多画面在脑海里关不掉

睡不着  真的好辛苦

就判我死刑吧