Life as a medical student #1 The Introvert

So Monday was the first day in Hospital Kuala Lumpur (HKL). I was excited - the moment I have been looking forward to since the first day I entered medical school! However, just like everything in our lives, there are always disparities between expectation and reality.

I know it all along that I am an introvert. But HKL is constantly so busy that it is difficult not to feel suffocated. The feeling of all those people rubbing against my body and not being able to get to where I want to go was scary. I was uncomfortable and I just wish to escape. Confession: I have agoraphobia. (I wish it gets better after some time) However, the worst part of being an introvert is the over stimulation of brain activity - that I always notice details that others don't.

Here's the story. I was in HKL's cafeteria with my colleagues, wasn't eating anything because I was already exhausted after battling with the inner emotion of me for the whole day. Then I saw this old lady sitting in a wheel chair. Her back was facing me so I couldn't see her face. But I could see her streaks of grey hair and she looked very ill. Her husband and son were beside her, ready to go after finishing their food. The son is around the same age as me, if not, younger. He had a handkerchief with him. He bent down in front of his mum, wiped her mouth gently. Next, he helped his mum to put on her hat, carefully adjusted it, looked into his mum's eyes, and lastly, he smiled. He smiled - and I swear that's the most beautiful and comforting smile I have seen. There was something in his eyes, and it went right through me. My tears immediately welled up in my eyes, which I have no idea why. But I held it back, and I turned my head away.

I went back with a heavy stone pressing on my heart.

I asked my friends if they feel the same after the first day in HKL, and they tell me they don't. This wasn't the first time I am in a hospital, and I am sure there's more to handle in the future. But I guess in different phases of life we feel differently. Not sure what kind of phase I am going through now, but I believe all that I can feel is real. 

All I can feel, is real.