我怀念的。

有时候做人真的是不要这么极端的好。

话说我也曾经为人师表，当过接近五个月的人类灵魂工程师。可是五个月后，我好比从地狱的水深火热里逃出来。我庆幸我的责任结束了，重担没有了，再也不需要一大清早扯高我的嗓子骂人。我说我以后绝对都不再当老师。再几个月后，我开始后悔当初走之前没有和小朋友们合照。一张都没有。再再几个月后，我好奇小朋友们过得怎么样。有没有想念我。想知道要考试的那些小瓜们有没有努力用功，有没有把我的英文考好。再再再几个月后，我很想回去，看看他们，摸摸他们的头。每每经过学院门口，我的心就会揪一下。
很想回去探望他们。
啊，天知道eunice老师有多想念你们。:)

所以说，你为什么要这么极端？做人不是该总是记得给自己找台阶下吗？这样，不管情况变得再怎么糟，你还能选择往前走或往后退。
生气了，请不要扯高嗓子骂人。受委屈时，彼此互相留点面子，不要掉头就走，留下尴尬的你我。因为有一天，你也许会再回到这里，或需要这个人的帮忙。
不就两个字，圆滑！
为什么要怪她当初给你这么重的工作量？为什么不要谢谢她这么器重你，虽然你只来了短短几个月？那是她给你多大的一个肯定，为什么你当时没有发觉？所以为什么人们说，旁观者清。有些事情有些道理，就是明白的太迟。
如果，我有再重来一次的机会，eunice老师一定会变得很不一样。
因为没有人会不爱小孩，没有人应该生他们的气，因为他们是世界上最纯洁可爱的天使，可恶的，永远是大人们。
我谢谢facebook，让我得悉今天他们开分行了，二十一周年纪念。我不知道会不会有人接收到，不过我想说，恭喜你们，祝老板娘的育幼事业越做越好，培育出越来越多精英弟子。
要再回去，应该是不可能的。
不过，祝福。:)

生。日

因为我过了一个很不一样的生日。

有温暖有惊喜，还有机会许三次愿望。好幸福呢。

我十九岁了。

:)

And all these little things.

I know you've never loved

The crinkles by your eyes

When you smile

You've never loved

Your stomach or your thighs,

The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine

But I'll love them endlessly

Sweetness overflow :)

Neither do I like to act like the way I always do.

Please forgive me. I hope I don't dirty my blog with trash anymore in the future. :)

I don't like people to feel frustrated or affect their mood.

So, learn to keep those feelings to myself more! I won't going to die with just that! 

Bring it on and fight it!

I am back to JB for my 2 weeks Christmas break and 1 week study week!

Very excited because I am looking forward to meet with the sisters in high school. :D

Just before I came back, I received a sweet surprise.

Not to say a real surprise, but it is sweet.

Maybe you are the one. The one that cleared away my clouds and gave me rainbow.

How I hope you are the remedy to my tears and insecureness.  :')

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.

But the very next day, you gave it away.

This year, to save me from tears, 

I'll give it to someone special.

无边无际的。

不管你的今天过得再怎么糟，人生还是一段不会停的旅程。
世界不会因为你的今天过得很糟糕而怜悯你，不会为了你而停止转动。



我不想做你的路人甲，我只想做你的唯一。

@$#%^&6*8(%&5

First of all, I am here to complain. Secondly, I am going to talk in different language and it is not the matter that you understand me or not. Whatever. For I just want to speak out. Take this post as a dustbin la okay because what I am going to talk about is trash. I know, I know I just told you that my life is good in my previous post. But the stupid me just messed this all up again. My cardsigning! My third cardsgining ended up as a B again. 3 Bs in one shot. Very consistent? What the hell Eunice Tham you are so genius. I don't actually give a shit about how much percentage cardsigning carries but the feeling is just so awful. Awful as in because everyone else in your group get A but you get a super irritating B. Awful as in your groupmates got easier questions than you and you got questions out of lecture notes. The feeling is !@#%^&89*$% when you can answer every other's questions, but not your own questions. I seriously don't know what the hell can this unlucky situation happens on me ehh you think too highly of me or what. A very fucked up and screwed up situation when you see your lecturer write down another big B on your sheet, despite all the nights that you have stayed up for all the studies, despite all the hardwork all the prayer all the tears. God you still show me a dim pathway. How are you supposed me to continue my 5 years? I really really really doubt myself a lot. I just want an A to prove myself, to make myself feel better, to boost my confidence, to know that yes I am on a correct pathway. Why so hard? I never think that I am that weak. Or I have been thinking too highly of myself? Of course A is not everything, and A does not stands for perfection. But people who get A and people who get B is just a big difference. They automatically will be in 2 different worlds. I am just so stupid so stupid so stupid can I go and bang wall and die right now ahhh. Thank you for listening my rubbish talk goodnight.

My words are more than words. :)

Saying I love you 
Is not the words I want to hear from you 
It's not that I want you 
Not to say, but if you only knew 
How easy it would be to show me how you feel 
More than words is all you have to do to make it real 
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me 
'Cause I'd already know.


17 Dec is the day.
Happy 2 years anniversary to More Than Words. :)
You are always here when my words are more than just words.
For people who are concern, my life is back on its track and it is good. 
With that little bit of sweetness enlightening me everyday. :)

World Aids Day

1st of December is World Aids Day people!
And I attended this campaign held by Red Ribbon Youth Club last Saturday at Berjaya Times Square.
ERASE. Eradicate AIDS and Stigma = Equality. No discrimination and we are all no difference from one another!
'' If I were to tell you that I am a HIV+ patient, are you willing to give me a hug? ''
So this is basically what we started off to approach people on that day.
Basically, my volunteer job scope was to give free hugs. This aims to tell people that AIDS will not transmitted through physical contacts! And as a way of we, volunteers spreading love to public maybe? :)
It was a little bit awkward at the first place, as Malaysians are still typically conservative ( as we know ) and I got rejected for a few times. But slowly I met some nice people. And I was happy not only in the sense of I gave free hugs, but I educated people more on what is AIDS, based on my medical knowledge.
I just love the idea of spreading love, don't you?

So this is me! Giving free hugs on that day. :D

They have this pretty cards for people who are willing to dedicate their wishes to AIDS patients. All the money collected will be donated to Malaysian Aids Council. And they hung them all around the place forming a very warming scene. :)

The two big red sculptures.

Meanwhile, they had some stage performances and celebrities coming to show their support in this event. The highlight of the day is the Freezemob and the Flashmob. UM people did a very wonderful performance! :) not to say how happy I was to meet some of my KMNS friends who are studying at UM. I have been missing my matrik life for like so muchhh!

Last but not least, group picture of the day. Oh ya, our theme colour is RED.
 RED IS HOT. :D

My love is free for everyone.
But I wouldn't wish my love to be free for you.

                       

Loving colours!

Hello people. If you are observant enough, you would have noticed that I added Nuffnang's advertisements at the side of my blog. Feel free to click on it to view it ( or just HELP me to click it ) when you visit my blog everytime. Thank you! :)

                           Lots of love! Will update you about this event that I have joined recently soon!
                                                                                <3 p="p">

.

Have a lot of things to say. Have a lot of troubles to share. Have a lot of tears to overflow.
But I am alone in my room now so I can only type. Type, LIKE REALLY HARD. Now is not the time to pity my keyboard.
This is when no verbal words can describe my feelings perfectly. Even if there is, who to tell?
When again, I screwed things up again. I really did. No miracles happened. Wtf.
This should be expected! What else am I looking forward for.
Be a genius who never need to study? Stop your wishful thinking.
So you are telling me this is what I deserved. So I am really weak. So I study not enough. So I should sleep less.
I have always performed well during big examinations. From UPSR PMR SPM to PSPM. Maybe, those were all because I have been so lucky in all those examinations. I am never smart, as I thought, as people thought, as those results shown. I was just, too lucky. Everything was just an illusion.
My HIS module nearly broke my lowest score record in my whole lifetime. The other 4 modules are equally disappointing as well.
Please someone please tell me what should I do now. Cry or what?
I am a nobody. FML.

Medic students can be rather crazy!

Dicovered my new talent recently. I can cut fringes pretty well. Haha. Started to have this feeling when my roommate, Anjie trusted me so much and actually requested me to cut her bangs for her. And I actually dare to do so! First time cut fringes for the others. Kecha kecha kecha. And I success. My customer was satisfied and the others were impressed. They thought she had her bangs cut at some saloons. Hehe. Ehh this is called hostel-life people! Do crazy things together. :)

 Check out my new bangs! :) 

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每一个女孩都曾经是一个无泪的天使，当她遇上心爱的男孩时便有了泪，天使落泪，坠落人间，所以每一个男孩都不能辜负他的女孩，因为她曾经为了你，放弃了整个天堂。

如果我不再回忆过去

十一月无声无息地离开，十二月静悄悄地来。当每个人都在为了明天而努力，我却紧抱着过去不想放手。回忆，太美太美。它出现在我每夜的梦里，出现在我每个欢笑后的空虚感。我还在往前走，可是我却忍不住往回看。
不想面对的是现在，害怕迎接的是未来，我想念的是过去。

我嗅到了圣诞的味道 :)

给，亲爱的你。

你生病了吗？为什么你从来都是一个人。你确定这是你喜欢的吗？你确定你喜欢独处吗？你很潇洒地告诉别人没关系，因为你就是喜欢一个人，静静的。静静的看一本书，泡一杯咖啡，哼一首歌，听雨的声音，想念一个人。生活在这个世态炎凉，拥挤嘈杂的世界里，难得有机会一个人去品味孤独，体验那份恬静和静谧的时刻，很难能可贵。你不喜欢喧哗的人们，你不喜欢和大家小声讲大声笑。你不喜欢人云亦云。那，你为什么开始害怕一个人了？想要逃，却找不到理由。想要躲，却没有容身之处。漫无目的地流浪漂泊。转身之际，盼望着那把熟悉的声音把你叫住。虽然那是一种极度的奢侈。

Am I the apple of your eye.

The more you know a person, the more you like them more? or the more you hate them more?
The answer is very extreme isn't it?
Because you will never stay the same impression you have to a person.
To me, first impression is the thing that we can't trust the most in this world.
So, don't ever tell me that you fall in love with a person at your first sight. This is silly.
How can you pour in you heart and souls to a girl in just a glance?
Love signals should be transmitted through every eye contacts that speeds up your heart beat, every ups and downs that have been spent together, every sweetness that have been specially prepared to him/her, every tears that you have witnessed from her, to let you to be so sure that you want to protect her with all you can for the rest of your life.

Does love lasts long? How long is long? One month, half a year, 5 years, or 10 years?
How long can you keep your eyes only on your girl, and never yearn for other pretty girls out there?
This is difficult, because we are humans. Who never stops wanting the best and never stop thinking what others own is the best.
Am I too open-minded or am I too mature? Because I think that it is very normal for someone who already has girlfriend to fall for another girl. And I almost want to say that this is forgiveable.
Of course, girls are always the victims.
Then, what about the guys? Feelings are never under their control.
I pity you, if you are stuck in between two girls right now. I mean, as a friend.
But I will never pity you if you do this to me.
 

I want to be the apple of your eye, but I will never be.

To people who care of what others think of you.

What is the compliment that you wish to hear the most?

This is an old question, but I love this question, it reflects to me who I want to be.
What is yours? :)

我的怜悯之心

逼自己做自己不想做的事情，真的很辛苦。

曾经还认为自己可以很清楚地分辨什么是我想做，什么是我不想做的事。

然后做一个很潇洒，很自我的人。一个不会在乎别人的眼光，别人的看法的人。

是，我是可以分辨我喜不喜欢。但是拒绝呢？

我没有办法说不。我不会，不知道怎样说不。不会撒谎，是一个优点吗？

接受了邀请，表面上是给足了朋友面子，心里却有一百个不愿意。虚伪吗？

我怎么忍心再对你说不。所以，好吧。

很多的矛盾，很多的忍耐，很多的不愿意。

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

I get mad of myself easily. Especially when I cannot even differentiate plantar and dorsal view. When I still have to hesitate when I come to anterior posterior superior inferior dorsal plantar transverse sagittal . When I cannot even remember the basics, to differentiate all the muscles of the lower limb. All their origins insertions nerve supplies and actions just drive me crazy. When I still have to google for some English words which I cannot understand. I suddenly lost my way and I don't know how to study effectively anymore. I may really need to study like the other geniuses do. My brain works too slow. Why you so slow. Why I cannot response to a question as quick as the others. Caffeine is not working on me anymore. The feeling of going out during weekends is strong, but no you can't, or you will be feeling guilty for the whole week after that. Never feel like shopping so much. To eat good food. To meet old friends. To buy pretty beautiful stuffs.
If it wasn't because I have three other roommates, I believe I would have thrown all my books my laptop and scream. My dear blog, thank you for saving me for not doing so. So yeah, I am fine. I will make sure I look very fine.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Happy One Month studying in Perdana, hereby announcing that 15 more days to my first formative assessment and first card signing.

Yes, I can!

I always like to, and wanted to be myself.
For example, you might change your character after you enter a new environment. I don't want myself to be in this kind of situation.
So, I want to strongly disagree that medical students have no life.

I like to cook, so I cook for myself and for the others quite often. I don't know why but I just love to share food I made with the others. Even though people thought this is silly and time-consuming.

I still want to remain my neat handwriting, I see it as one of my strength! I always see how a person character is from their handwriting. Hehe very cheeky I know right. Even though people have been telling me don't spend so much time on writing neat and nice, for I am going to be a doctor! Yes even my lecturer advised me on this matter. But, yeah why can't I be the exception and change everyone's view towards doctors?

Having choices in my own hands is important. I want to remain silent as I like. I want to stay in hostel when others are all going back during weekends for holidays. I want to stick to my old ways of studying, rather than copying all the hardworking students here. I just think that, why judge a book by its cover? It's a cruel fact that even if you study so hard than anyone else, you are still the weakest student. Very cruel, so why don't I just study with my own comfortable way, who knows how would the outcomes be? You know, diam diam ubi berisi!

University life is about dressing up yourself nicely everyday and embrace everyone with your bright smile, and so will the knowledge comes to you! BUT I am not up to that stage yet la, not so great yet, I still feel stress at certain times. This is what I want to do for the time being---motivate myself to move on everyday, keep moving on, for I have chosen this path, and there is no more turning back. Hey, why turn back? I like what I am doing now. Yes, I can do it. :)

p/s : It is a bliss that your roommate is there waking you up everyday, and even making you breakfast when you are in a rush. It can just put a smile on my face naturally, brighten up my day. :)

学会放下

:(
我的耳机坏了。
那是一个在matrik对我很重要的朋友送的礼物，再加上我是一个无音乐不欢的人。我必须有音乐才能专心读书。很奇怪的逻辑，不过音乐是我生命中不可缺的一部分。
然后就是，我很不能接受失去。
哪怕是耳机这样一个小小的东西，我都没有办法克制自己不去伤心。我不知道自己为什么要介意，因为其实我可以再去买一个新的。但是心里就是不甘心，就是喜欢旧的，能怎么办？
我拿得起，却不懂怎么放下。
那更大更重要的失去呢？我该怎么承受？
我希望自己从来都不需要去担心这个问题。

乌云走开

最近的生活被笼罩上了一层乌云。

我不认为我还是在为赋新词强说愁的年龄，而是生活真的开始在给我一个又一个的考验。远在法国的姐姐在异乡竟然得了盲肠炎需要住院一整个星期动手术。她第一次住院就在法国！才刚到法国一个星期，还不擅法语的她要面对一堆的鸡同鸭讲。盲肠炎那痛入骨子里的痛，那足以让你睡不着吃不下的痛。然后又要在打给我们的越洋电话中表现得很镇定没事，好不让我们担心。姐姐，你是钢铁人吗？我不是一个称职的妹妹，好像没有办法替你做些什么。再怎么样我都不能完全感受到你的无助。我只知道，我好替你心疼。第一次觉得我跟姐姐又更靠近了一点点，好像那些童年时期无谓的争吵再也不算什么了。

健康很重要，各位。它是我们的宝藏。

我漂亮的姐姐毕业了！
前阵子刚动完手术就马上飞回马来西亚参加马大的毕业典礼。

毕业典礼后又得马不停蹄地飞回法国上课。
上完课后我赶到机场去替姐姐送机。这一别就是两年。加油，好吗？

然后，我开始对我现在的位置感到怀疑。心底的那把声音一直在告诉我我不属于这里。我知道这很讽刺，之前对上帝所作出的种种渴望，上帝你都满足我了。那我怎么可以怀疑上帝你的安排？事实却是，新环境让我窒息，是从来没有在我身上出现过的窒息感。我知道如果我现在在别的地方，我不会这样。哦不，我没有在回头看。现在身边再多天才也好，其实我只是又一次被自己打败。承认吧，我只是很不想输。

再来，亲爱的你，请告诉我，我该怎么爱你？
有时爱情需要时光机。

The Beginning Is Always The Hardest.

This is really a quote just right for me. As for now. New beginning in Perdana University. Started 2 weeks of lecture. New friends new lecturers new environment and all. I am so not good in adapting and I realise I always not happy when I come into a new environment. Why is it so? Is time going to be the factor that change everything after the beginning?

I am always very proud of myself as a Chinese. I mean, I think as a Chinese, it is very not right that you do not know how to speak and write Chinese at all. I feel that it is a shame. But recently I just realise that this perception may be wrong. Speaking English well is far more cool. Or maybe in medical profession. My only advantage in language has lost. And so do my only confidence left.

I don't understand why people can nod their heads during lecture when the lecturers were obviously talking craps. I don't understand why people must wear like they are going to party when they are going to a medical school. I even don't understand why couples must text at all times.

I do not want to be how I am right now after a few months. I am expecting some changes in me. At least a stronger me. I have always been telling this to myself for dont know how many times but I am still the weak me. The only person that can help me regain my strength and confidence has gone. You have forgotten what I have said, that you are the source of my confidence.

Time for me to conquer the Anatomy Book. Bye people.

A piece of thought.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were...

so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as when one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

However, the ground coffee beans were unique. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. “Which are you?” she asked her daughter.

When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I?

Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor.

If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level?

How do you handle adversity?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

做聪明的女人

男孩走进了教室，来到了自己的位子前坐了下来。
身体动作很自然的打开了桌上放着的爱心形状饭盒。
什么？又是意大利面配花椰菜？
“ 哇，你怎么这么有口福。每天午餐都不用愁！她对你，也太好了吧！” 身边的男性朋友贼贼地开始靠拢了过来，对着今天的菜色开始品头论足。
“ 什么嘛。我呀，最讨厌就是吃花椰菜了！” 男孩用嫌弃的眼神斜眼瞄着饭盒，凶巴巴的把双手交叉摆在胸前，宣告着：我不会吃你做的菜，你也不会是我的菜！

正说着，女孩就从教室门口进来了。
很想假装没有听到男孩的嫌弃，但是失望的表情谁也骗不了。
面对班上男生的瞎起哄嘲笑，她鼓足了劲，给了他们一个微笑。
连自己都觉得很难看的微笑。
女孩是坦率的，很帅气，敢爱敢恨。
身边的狂蜂浪蝶从来不少，然，女孩眼里只有男孩。
为男孩准备饭盒已经辗转半年了。什么女生该有的矜持她都摒弃了。我到底哪里不好，男孩怎么永远也不会看我一眼？我这样死心塌地，值得吗？

男孩其实是个虚荣心很强的人。
这个年代，女追男，不但不常有，还难如登天嘛！
如今还有一个女生为了我每天准备饭盒？哈，还真让我很有面子呢。
男孩很享受其中。


那一天，女孩在淋了一场大雨回家后，醒了。
第二天，男孩的桌上没有爱心饭盒。
第三天，没有。第四天，也没有。第五天，还是没有。
男孩的心开始被悬了起来，怪难受的。就好像，期待落空了。
男孩开始问自己，我到底在期待什么？
终于，他决定找女孩出来谈一谈。

” 我有男朋友了。” 一开始女孩马上给了男孩一个震撼弹。
“ 可是我....我已经习惯了你对我的好。我不能没有你的饭盒，我不能没有你带给我心头暖暖的感觉。没有你，我好像....怪怪的。我是喜欢上你了吧。” 男孩很专注地看着女孩说。
“ 我不爱你了。爱你，太累了。”
“ 不累，不累！以后，你做的饭盒我都吃，花椰菜我也吃！都听你的！” 男孩眼眶开始有泪。


女孩听着这等了好久好久的话。是等了很久，但却太迟了。
“ 谢谢你。但是，我现在，只想每天做寿司给爱我的那个他。”



等待不都是那么浪漫唯美。会让人心碎的等待，不值得。
芸芸众生，聪明的女人不会把岁月投资在等待一个不爱她的男人身上。

I lied. I lied?

This is my real story.

It started off with JPA came out the letter of agreement of Perdana University late. Super pissed off.
JPA is like, never punctual, cheating all the way.
Well, that is not my main point.
So I printed out the documents late. And I have 3 copies of Dokumen Perjanjian where I need to find a saksi to guaranteed me bonded by JPA, guaranteed me following their terms and conditions and things like that. Normally we need a Pengetua to be our saksi. A teacher of certain grades so it is Pengetua.
So I went back to SSI yesterday.
Very unfortunately, Pengetua was not in at the moment, and I was told that she will not be back until next week. Okay bo bian. I am going to PU next week, must be done today.
Hence I went to SAB. YES their Pengetua was in! So I entered her room and requested her to sign for me. Very dramatically. When she was about to sign, the pen almost touched the paper! She asked : " Kamu pelajar sini kan? "
My first instinct : " Oh no no, saya pelajar SSI. "
GONE. She put down her pen and refused to sign for me. She said she only signed for her ex students.
Okay well. Bye bye.

I went to the third school. SMK Muhd Khalid which is near to SSI too.
And, uh oh. Still very dramatically. The same thing happened. Pengetua don't want to sign for non ex-students.
I came out from the room with tears. I must get the documents done today! What if, nobody can sign for me. Nobody dares to be my saksi.
Then my mummy saw me and knew the reason.  She said : " Why don't you just said yes I am the ex-student of this school? No Pengetua will remember faces of every students. "

The fourth school is Convent.
Their Pengetua is a kind Chinese woman. I mean, she looked kind.
And the same question appeared, " You are ex-student of this school right? "
" Err.... " I was hesitating should I lied.
" Okay so let me see.... " Phew! She didn't probed me to answer. So I decided to keep silent.
Finally I came out from her room with her chop rasmi and signature.
Mummy said: " See! You could have save a lot of time if you don't exclaim yourself as SSI student at the first place. "


The moral of my story is, lying helps at certain time?

50+50=100？

有人说，如果你在人生的交叉路口感到踌躇不前，只有两个可能性：
一，两个选择都很好很诱人。
二，两个选择都很糟。
所以其实你选择了任何一个，你都只得到五十，另外的五十，是要靠你为这个选择努力奋斗而得到的。
这样你才是一百分。
如果你做出了选择，却还闷闷不乐，那是因为你还紧抓着已经放弃的五十。
已经放弃的五十，是不可能圆满你的一百分的。

Leader or follower?

"Willing of discovering the world beat down the willing of having a routine life."

This is my dearest sister's quote that makes her having the courage to start a new life in France.
Me too, hate to have a routine life.
That is why sometimes I love holidays and hate holidays at the same time.
Because holidays make me ended up having routine life, sleep, eat and lazy. I am, seriously, going to love my life if it is exciting everyday. Opening up your eyes every morning and you have small excitement in your heart because you have expectations to the day.
Yes, sleep like there is no tomorrow is a bliss, but it is a short bliss.
I wouldn't mind to enjoy the small bliss once in a while, but not everyday! That will be a life without motive.
Most of the friends around me have started their new life in their universities.
I know soon it will be my turn too, but you just feel insecure inside. The feeling is like, why I am still lazy-ing at home? I am having the feeling of being the minority.

Would you prefer to be a nobody in a strongly competitive society, where groups of geniuses are around you, OR be a leader in a less competitive society?
The first situation is suffocating. It is like, you lose all the time. You lose the chance to show your talents. Or maybe in fact people have greater talents that you do. You clapped for others instead of receiving the applause.
But I wouldn't like myself to be in the second situation as well. A leader in a less competitive society will slowly lose its real ability inside. Even without himself noticed. Ego slowly built. This is not healthy.
So I am, luckily ( maybe? ) in the first situation.
I may not really be a nobody, who knows? Okay laaa I must say I hate to lose. Lol.
So I will try hard to be a somebody in it.


The thinking of she is alone there makes me really want to pray for her everyday.
Jiayou my brave Sister!

Hello September!

September is coming, it indicates changes in my life, and perhaps many's lives.

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Firstly, I must learn to say Goodbyes.
Sister is flying to France tomorrow for her 2 years Master in Pure Chemistry programme.
I will not be seeing her for 2 years! I am gonna miss her and worry for her.
Yet I am feeling very proud of her because she gets this scholarship not from Malaysian government, but from the Europe government. It is, you know, so proud of it. :) Malaysian government is always kinda, disappointing, eh?
Terms frequently using these days are luggage, airport, Euro money and etc.
However, there are words that I wouldn't dare to tell her, that I am sincerely wishing her the best, take good care especially during the cold weather, and tell me how snow looks like! hehe.
If you never met my sister and wondering how she's like,
People, let me tell you. My sister is an amazing one.

Brother is going to University Tun Hussien Onn aka UTHM for his 4 years degree programme.
In this 4 years, he must changed, to better, hopefully.
He must meet good mates, good lecturers, good environment.
Only then he will shine out and, yeah, prove what you can do okay!

Matric friends, and even some Secondary mates are all heading to their respective universities.
I guess there are anticipation and exciteness in them.
If it is me, I won't be mumbling on Facebook saying that you can't bear saying goodbyes to Holidays.
I am really contented of it, and instead, I am looking forward to studying again,
I am really excited about my future. :)

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I easily experience mood swings, with something I don't know why.
When I am getting elder, I always end up disappointing in relationship among people. People will say, this is a process of growing up.

He speaks of his bad infront of you, but tomorrow you see he is still intimate with him.
He says ' I love you ' to someone who he don't love, just because someone loves him too much to the extent that he feels that he has to repay and nobody want to lose free love.
When he knows that people really really loves him a lot, that people has put him at the first place, he leaves, enjoying the free love, because he has own people's heart.

So ugly. But brilliant.
So I guess growing up is discovering ugly things.


有人说不要等到失去了才珍惜，可却沒人说珍惜了就不會失去。


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I am in a process of becoming prettier!

I am having the Ugly Betty smile. Lol.

It is already the fourth day of me putting on braces.
Chose red as the colour of my braces and hey, I noticed that Red surrounds me recently! I wonder why. Haha.
Mine is considered a serious case I guess, as I noticed that my dentist spent quite a time explaining to me why she had to put 2 plastics at the back of my teeth. According to her, if she didn't put those plastics, my upper teeth will knock off the lower part of the fixed appliances. So the function of those 2 plastics is to prevent my upper and lower teeth from contacting with each other.
Complicated to understand? Yea you just need to know that it resulting in me cannot chew at all.
Ohh I tell you this is miserable. I have been swallowing my food these days.
Eating is meaningless to me right now.
Despite of Mummy's mouth-watering food, I eat oat and porridge. D:
Every morning wake up and realise there are full of wires in your mouth, pulling hard as the teeth, they are all struggling to line themselves up in a line, the feeling is awful.
I cannot Laugh Out Loud like before anymore.
Plus, the ulcers. I get ulcers because of not used to the wires. Sighhh.
Don't know what to do, what put on has been put on. You are not expecting me to give up here and tell my dentist, hey remove all the wires. LOL.
Will be meeting my new friends in Perdana in my braces-look then.
I see suffering life ahead!
That is why people agree to this quote so much, 没有丑女人，只有怕苦的女人！

国。庆

 

怎么办呢？

太没有国庆的气氛了呢。

愿我的祖国，马来西亚，生日快乐。

在这一天，忘记那些不快，为自己身为马来西亚子民而感到光荣！

秉持着您的一诺千金，我会继续爱着您。

:)

When a doctor himself is sick

He trully has what it takes to be a great doctor.
But what if a potential doctor is sick?
It is, something mentally.

He is smart. He scores in examination. Top student. Knowledgable.
He can express himself good in words. Either in Chinese English or Malay.
No doubt that he has great interest in Medical field.
BUT at the same time, he lives on his own.
Friends around him regard him as true friends but he always claims that he is alone.
He is an attention-seeker.
He thinks people around him do not appreciate him.
He is already talented enough but he shows off and exaggerates it.
He lives in his own world. With his own big ambition.

I am not a psychologist who can tell what happened to him and cure him.
Instead I am just a friend who pity of him and hoping someone professional enough to offer him help.
I am wondering how he's gonna be in the future.

Relieved!

Ahhhh phew. Sorry readers. No more emo emo post I promise.
Miracles do happen. I have get into Perdana University!
I could hardly believe that I really made it, passed the interview! With my abilities!
Can finally put down the heavy heavy rock on my shoulders.
The best best best news I have ever got. The best best best gift God you have ever gave me. :D
God you really intended to mould me into a stronger person.
Thank you for answering my prayers, I will definitely do my best in my coming 5 years medical course. I will be even stronger, and to be different, remember? ;)
Till then, want to lie back and sleep like there's no worries tonight.
To everyone who is reading this, I love you so much! Goodnight! <3 p="p">

I take your love as granted.

Have you ever tried having so much trust in someone, until you will never imagine this person stop pouring love to you? It is literally, taking his love for granted. Then eventually you stop doing things to pleased him, like what you always do in the first place. When a love lasts for years, is it destined to be turn out like this? No more sweet words. You feel that it is unnecessary because what matters most is that you treat him true and you are sure that you love him. Deeply in your heart you don't want this person to be out of your life. You have put him in a special place in your heart, in your future plan, the one who can complete your future.

I love you, in my way.

我是一个水做的女人

Two topics to update for what I have been doing these days.

 1.

Korean drama, The Secret Garden catches my eyes and I would introduce you to this drama if you have not watch this. A story between a CEO of a department store and a stuntwoman, of different statuses of life. It is the same boring, unbelievable fairytale-storyline as you can see in the other dramas but, girls need this, agree? ;)

 Plus having a smart-looking male lead, why should you miss this? :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2.

Heartbreaking night of all the Malaysians.

I am so glad that I didn't miss this greatest ever match.

Dato Lee Chong Wei is my hero, everyone's hero.

Salute!

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李宗伟赛后说：这是我的命运。

相信没有人能否定他的付出，但他还是达不到他梦寐以求的终点。

我们应该相信命运吗？

我们真的只能屈服于它？

这是我最近在做的事。

为秘密花园里，一段救生员为了救人而受困电梯，牺牲生命的剧情，感动落泪。

为李宗伟奋战三局而再次与金牌擦肩而过，那梦想崩裂的瞬间，惋惜，心疼落泪。

哈，我真的是一个水做的女人呢。

Give me more strength for my fight. More.

Four teeth have all extracted. Hey, extracting four teeth is no kidding! Pain. Still, I feel unbearable to part with my teeth. After all, they were what my parents have given me. 身体发肤，受之父母. Should really really cherish it, ain't it? BUT for my teeth to look nicer prettier in the future, let me just bear with the pain! ;) And so I decided to take more pictures of me showing my teeth, then I can spot the difference of me wearing braces later on. Hehe.

Love the fish. <3 p="p">

I email JPA everyday, but everytime it says: Undeliverable because the mailbox is currently full. Wth JPA people never update their mailbox I tell you. None of the email successfully sent. And hence I decided to call JPA today, after considering and replaying what should I say to them in my brain for countless time. Nervously with shaky hands I call out to them. ................... Ahhh forget about my conversation with the JPA people, I will just say that I failed convincing them. :(
Ahh well fine. Expected. Let me just continue with my prayers everyday, hold on to the faith, I will hold on to it until the last minute last seconds. God bless please!

The latest news states that JPA decided to offer 600 students who didn't get into public university with private university. Fully sponsored by JPA. Hey I don't understand. Why you only offer 50 places in Perdana University, out of 200 applicants? 50 is so little compared to 600. What a sad case. -.-


I gave up the chance to go to Tanjong Energy Scholarship Award 2012 today. Many of them not even shortlisted for the interview, I am the lucky one. Wasted? I don't know why but, I just don't like people who fight these scholarship chances when they don't really want it. I am not really interested in the scholarship, or perhaps no mood? Although it is obviously a far more better scholarship offer than JPA, I decided to give this chance to the others. I am already under JPA, so no worries! And I only need this JPA PIDN 1 2011 scholarship if it has come to the worst condition.

                         I will never go for things I don't like, same goes for people.

I miss the old good days.

1. I miss the time when I was still 15 years old and I started to find people who know sports are so attractive. The very first time I felt the exciteness touching the volleyball and involved myself in it. Though I am not a good player, I enjoy watching volleyball match. London Olympics 2012 reminds me of my beating heart for this sport. I miss cheering for my secondary school's boy team. The best as always. :)

2. I miss the time when we finally stepped up on the stage and receice the highest award in the band competition. The time when I went through all the difficulties with my 6 other teammates and emerged as the champion. The feeling of winning is just too sweet. This is Seven Souls @ Tujuh Jiwa.

3. I miss the time I travel with them. And the time where I can just knock my opposite door and I will get to find them at anytime. Sticking together everyday. But, till now, I have lose contact with them. After all, it's just a less-than-one-year friendship, yeah? Not that strong enough. I will still miss them, when reminiscing back my Matric life. Ahh the old good days.

你也在追求完美吗?

贪心，不满足，追求完美。
真的都只是一线之差！
一个为贬义，一个为中性，一个为褒义。
你怎么看？

四岁的时候，开始会想，怎么妈妈眼里就只有刚出生的妹妹。好想成为妈妈眼里的苹果。
上小学的时候，你觉得隔壁桌的小琦的书包好漂亮，好想也拥有一个。
学写字时，一定要写得圆圆的，稍有瑕疵，一定得擦掉重写。
月考前一天，再怎么困也要来个通宵，把书本里所有的知识塞到那小小的脑袋瓜里，要拼死捍卫自己全级第一名的位子。
青春期，看看镜中的自己，怎么老是长不高，脸上的青春痘怎么只长在自己脸上，不长在电影明星的脸上。腰间每一寸脂肪都得和自己斤斤计较。
女生聚会上，咦你用的是什么化妆保养品？什么牌子？我也要试一试！
交男朋友了，埋怨自己的男朋友怎么不能像那某某的男朋友一样那么体贴，情人节送的花怎么比较小，钻石的分量怎么不一样。
职场上，你和同事拼业绩，拼得你死我活，就为向上司证明自己的能力。
结婚生子后，觉得啊，邻居家的女儿好厉害啊，钢琴书法样样行，今晚得和咱们家女儿商量商量，让她也去学一学，不能怠惰了。
什么？大减价？哪里哪里，快，再迟点特价品就被别人抢完了！

生活中有那么多值得我们去追求的东西。可不是？
要漂亮要不一样要成功要平步青云要独占鳌头。
以往，我总是告诉我的朋友，我崇尚完美，生活上我努力奋斗力争上游，要唯我独尊。
如今，我不再那么确定我是在追求完美。也许，我只是拿我心里的欲望来当借口。


我不是神，我只是个丑陋的凡人。

那骤然即逝的感觉

Escape from everything, to be different.

My orthodontik dentist showed me black face today when I told her I am going to Sarawak in September, and I requested for changing to Sarawak to continue my plan of putting on braces. Changing dentist can be easy, it is transfering your job to another dentist in Kuching, why must you show face that makes the patient feels: You think I want to go to Sarawak ahh. Can any healthcare professionals ever made their patients feel so awful? I would say that it is just because she hates troublesome patient. She will probably like patient who never need her to comfort and layan. She wants to finish her job quickly, not bothering whether she had made you feel pain. She is just, maybe elder than me for a few years old. Studied dentistry for 5 years, and now acting arrogant to her patient. What kind of world is this? Doctors and dentists everywhere, but with low qualities. This makes me lagi determined to be a different doctor in the future.

How many more sleepless nights should I have?
God, I want to be different. She and I are not the same. I want an escape.

Believe The Unbelievable

Has unwillingly bought the Air Asia air tickets to Sarawak. Direct flight from Senai to Kuching.  Although it's booked early, but it costs nearly 300 bucks. WTH. I cannot imagine that I have to leave my home again and this time, it is so far and I cannot get back home as often as before. Parents are my biggest worry. They are all alone, getting older, I really cannot imagine this. Let's not thinking about these, positive thinking. :) Just get to know from Alex that in their year, there are only less than 10, around 5 to 6 Chinese girls in Perdana. Well, still, praying, hoping for miracles, believe the unbelievable.

My fear

自暴自弃？自怨自艾？自我责怪？封闭自己？
Or whatever it is. I just want to disappear from this fucking world, when there's no one out there who truly understands your feeling and your sadness deep inside. You are wrong this time. I never think I live for anyone. I live for my own. And I cry when I did not achieve my best. I feel ached when I got hurt. That's all.

You will never know my fear of the day when the reality is going to tell me whether I am eligible enough to be there. Praying hard.

打战了！

有没有试过打一场非赢不可的仗？你知道要是输了这场仗，代价将是你未来的五年。

我很无奈地在做着两年前同样在做的事情，心里其实非常不愿意这么做，因为你我他其实都很清楚上诉的成功率是零。看着大家都在忙着迎接新的生活了，我还在这里自怨自艾。还来得及作出改变吗？两年前碰的钉子，如今又要在心里作着最坏的打算，我已经不知道这是怎样的一种心情。我得到的其实并不坏，但那是在你看了报纸之后。报纸又开始了两年前的报道，优异生得不到首选科系，全国状元当不了医生，这种情况下，我在什么位置？两年前，我是很多九个A+生的其中一个。两年后，我还是很多4 FLAT里的其中一个。其实我们要的只不过是一个公平，公开，公正的评选制度。我们不要把我们的命运交给电脑。到底是什么样的成绩才能进到梦寐以求的大学？我们不要电脑的决定来告诉我们答案。为什么比较差的学生拿得到的，比较好的学生却落空了？这整个制度就是一个陷阱，一个骗局。好像在玩老虎机，把一个个辛辛苦苦读好书的学生们的命运放进老虎机里，拿到什么就是什么。是这样玩弄我们的未来吗？明明不想选的大学和科系，却被电脑制度逼迫而必须填满，然后政府高官们再用理所当然的口吻告诉你：这是你自己选的啊。这整个就是一个陷阱。无辜的我们又成了第一批的受害者。有没有发现，我原来生在一个满是投诉的一年？又是上帝给我的一个难关吗？两年前是这样，两年后还是一样。从来没有一次是因为我考得不好，我真的不想屈服于这样的安排。我不想做砧板上的那块肉。两年前的不公只关系着我一年的预科班，两年后的不公关系到的是我五年的医学生涯！如果这一切的一切是一场梦，那该有多好。我想要一张机会牌，来改写我的命运。那些在电脑制度下得到梦寐以求大学的你们，又有什么好沾沾自喜？我们根本就是在同样的平台，只是电脑制度眷顾你，谨此而已。所以，我要靠着我自己的本事去进到我要的大学。我不会向命运低头，我不会输的！我手上的确握着一张机会牌，现在等着的，就是翻牌的那一刻。

关心我的人，想对你们说：对不起。我只想让自己从这个没有天理的世界上消失不见。但是你们的关心我都有收到，而且很感激。妈妈，谢谢你的肩膀。
很多人和我一样，甚至比我得到的更糟。想在这里向你们说：加油! 你不是孤独一人在作战。想对那些拿到好的大学的你们说：恭喜你！上帝是眷顾你的。
然后，想对那些拿到好的大学却没有满足，或者心里盘算着要更好的你们说：你根本没有资格这么想。有好多好多人在水深火热之中，请不要再用言语来刺激我们。
我也许很自私，但是我已经没有选择了。

我又站上了战场。我要很强很强很强。我不能再哭了。

戏子的人生

艺人化妆室。

当红女明星坐在镜子前，脑海中的思绪却不曾停止。
被迫和新戏的男主角传假戏真做的绯闻，籍此炒高新戏的收视率。
交往了五年的圈外男友因为接受不了自己在银幕上和男星搂搂抱抱，刚刚在电话里对她提出分手。
导演的大声呵斥好像还言犹在耳。
媒体没有一天停止挖苦她，说她爆红后得了大头症，过河拆桥。
自己已经忘记了上一次好好地看看爸爸妈妈，摸摸他们日益老去的脸庞，是什么时候。

慌慌张张地，从桌上的药罐中倒出三粒药丸，想都不想就将它们一鼓脑儿吞进肚子里。
那是她长期抗忧郁的药。
看着镜中的自己。
这真的是我吗？
那两千块钱的双眼皮 
五千块钱的肉毒杆菌 
十万块钱的胸部 
和七千块钱的鼻子
她抚摸着蜡像似的脸，有说，身体发肤，受之父母啊。
也难怪爸爸妈妈在这件事情上那么地不了解她，更为此酿成了一次又一次无法挽回的争执。
但是，我有什么办法呢？
长江后浪推前浪，前浪总不能死在沙滩上吧。不能！
观众总是有满足不了的，喜新厌旧。
这真的是我唯一的选择，唯一的出口吗？

“ 你准备一下，我们要出外景了。这是这场戏的剧本。” 助理小妹递给她一份厚厚的剧本。

戏子的人生，就是这么一出笑话吗？
谎言。谎言。
我的人生充满着谎言。页页写着的都是谎言。
美貌是假的。演的角色是假的。幸福也是假的。
那什么才是真？

“ 来，准备。一二三 ，Action！”
这是一场叙述女主角来到了顶楼天台，心事重重而最后崩溃落泪的戏。
女明星缓缓地走近天台边缘，凝望着蓝天。
好美。
“ 就这么一次，我要做自己。”
飞翔吧。
身体弓成美丽的弧线，跃下。



完美落地。还开出鲜红的血花。


看起来轰轰烈烈，实则平平无奇。

等待

炎炎夏日。

陈老伯又来到了熟悉的公车站，那熟悉的位置，看着同一片熟悉的风景。
看了看手表上的指针，
嗯，刚刚好十二点，妻应该快到了。
怎么人人都说婚前男人等女人，婚后女人等男人，这太不公平了。
我呀，和妻结婚都三十多年了，可一天也没怠惰过。陈老伯心想。
正想着，一辆公车停在了公车站前。
车门打开，形形色色的都市人鱼贯地步下了公车。

一身打扮嘻哈的青年，第一个步下了车。
他听不见周遭的声音，看不见周遭的风景。
身体随着耳机里强劲的旋律摇摆扭动着，魔音穿脑。

一名上班族一手提着公事包，一手抓着电话，怀里还抱了一大叠的文件。
“ 是的是的老板。。。待会一定照着您的吩咐做。老板真是英明！” 上班族一脸阿谀奉承。

一名孕妇小心翼翼地下了巴士，擦着汗，气喘吁吁。
大概已怀胎七个月了吧！
眉头深锁，大概在想着，老公你在忙吗？
怎么又忘了，来接我了。

长相标致的年轻女孩跟在后头，同样眉头深锁，眼神更是涣散。
一个正处于花样年华的少女，怎么会有着与年龄不符的愁云惨雾。
没有不会谢的花，更没有不会好的疤。
你，到底在烦恼什么？

这世界真是病了。谁还会对它有所眷恋？陈老伯心想。
斗大的汗珠滑落，陈老伯从口袋里掏出熨得整整齐齐的手帕。
啊，都十年了，却好像还残留着妻的味道。
以前她总是不忘在出门前为我准备好一条熨好，折好的干净手帕。

你想，
付出久了，自然会想得到肯定。
演员们演了多年的戏，希望评审以奖项肯定自己；
狗儿替主人看了整天的门，摇着尾巴希望刚下班的主人投给它一个肯定的眼神；
情侣在一起久了，女人希望男人给自己一个肯定的名分。
陈老伯等妻等了十年了，风雨不改地来到公车站，却不曾等到。
你在哪？你知道我的等待吗？在另一个世界过得可好？
好想再次看见你的笑靥，看见你给我的肯定的笑容，说：“ 你没迟到呢。”
即使那是遥不可及的奢求。




“ 你没迟到呢。”
是那熟悉的身影，熟悉的声音。
妻笑了。
“ 老伴，我终于等到你了。。。”
“ 这次，我不会再让你等了。走吧。”
泛泪，陈老伯牵起了妻的手，一起走入了夕阳。

Our Journey @ Part Three

Early in the morning, we went to a lake near to Pui Hong's house.
She said she jogs here often!

回归童真。一起荡秋千！:)

HEHE I KNOW I KNOW FOUR OF US ARE SO GOOD IN MAKING FUNNY FACES.
:P

Let's go fishing! Lol.

The End of a series of funny faces. :D

This is a must.
Kelantan has many many cows, and everytime I see it I can't help to say : Hey cow!
-.- sorry la I am from city.
So I must take a photo with the cow! Moooo! :)

炎炎夏日
Our tradition: Finish one box of icecream together!

Chiangg! :p

We left Kelantan on that night, preparing for another long hours of traveling on the train.

Four of us got ourselves so-called-uniform when we were at Kota Bahru. :D

With the gasing.

Introducing Pui Hong's sister ---- Vivien Lee! Love her <3

To be continue! Batu Pahat is our next stop. :)